HOW TO HAVE THE CONVERSATION
You do not need proof that someone is
considering suicide in order to act.
If something feels different, or you are worried about someone, ask. Asking directly opens up space for a conversation; it does not make it worse.
You may not always be expecting to have The Conversation. Someone may talk about their thoughts of suicide or hopelessness unexpectedly. You do not need all the answers. An open, curious, non-judgemental response is enough to make sure they feel able to talk and seek help in the future.
Even if you are not the right person to provide ongoing support, your initial response can make a huge difference, so never underestimate the positive impact your words can have.
How might you start what could be a life-saving conversation?
GET READY
- Choose a quiet, private space
- Allow plenty of time
- Be calm and open
- If there is time before starting The Conversation have information about support and signposting ready
To find local support and other resources, visit Hub of Hope.
OPEN THE CONVERSATION
The first words can be the hardest. If you know the person, use language they will feel comfortable with. If you’re starting the conversation with someone you know less well, maybe try opening with:
“You matter to this team, and I want to check in. Are you ok?”
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
This is a challenging conversation to have. You may feel nervous and underprepared, and that is ok. It doesn’t have to be perfect.
JUST REMEMBER IT’S IMPORTANT TO:
- Listen more than you speak
- Avoid judgement
- Avoid trying to solve everything yourself
- Avoid promising to keep everything secret (if their safety is at risk, you may need to involve others)
ASK THE QUESTION
It is okay to ask directly about how someone is feeling and whether they are struggling with thoughts of suicide. Asking does not put the idea in someone’s head and can reduce risk by opening the door to support.
Be prepared to ask more than once.
“Sometimes when people feel this low, they think about suicide. Have you had thoughts like that?”
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
“Have you thought about ending your life?”
LISTEN AND RESPOND
IF THEY SAY NO
Ask again. Listen to what they say, if they are not having thoughts of suicide, follow up a statement such as:
“If anything changes, please do talk to me about it. You can come back to me.”
- People won’t always open up the first time you ask. If you can, keep checking in. A message or a conversation the following day can show your ongoing care. Then try to check in regularly. There may still be things going on in their life they need help with.
IF THEY SAY YES
- Thank them for sharing their thoughts and feelings with you.
- Active listening is key. This is about emotions. Giving them time to speak helps build trust and makes it more likely they will accept support.
- Be direct, calm, non-judgemental and avoid interrupting – focus on their story and encourage them to share.
- If concerns are raised, explain clearly what will happen next and who else needs to be involved. Never promise to keep something secret.
- Ask them what would help right now – sometimes small practical support, like contacting someone they trust, can help.
AVOID:
-
Minimising
“You’ll be fine.” -
Moral pressure
“Think of your family. Think of your friends and teammates.” -
Reacting with shock or panic or criticism
“Others have it worse.” - Trying to fix everything immediately
listening is more powerful than problem-solving at this stage
Once trust is established, ask gently:
“Have you thought about how you would end your life?”
“Do you have a plan for suicide?”
“When were you thinking?”
This helps to assess immediate risk and to calmly formulate an appropriate response.
SUPPORT AND SIGNPOST
SUPPORT AND SIGNPOST THEM
ASSESS
IF YOU ASSESS THAT THE PERSON IS AT RISK OF SUICIDE
DO NOT LEAVE THEM ALONE
Each situation is different. Some people may have thoughts of suicide but no specific plans. Others may have a clear idea of how and when they intend to end their life. Your response should reflect the level of immediate risk.
ESCALATE
Explain to the person that in order to support them, you will need to involve someone who can provide further help. You do not have to manage this situation alone.
If you are part of a sports club or organisation, follow your organisation’s procedures and contact the appropriate lead, such as a suicide prevention lead or welfare officer. If you do not know who this is – ask.
These conversations may happen outside of normal working hours, e.g. after a training session. Some organisations may have an out-of-hours or on-call service. If this is not available, seek advice from a crisis service or healthcare professional.
Depending on the level of risk, it may be appropriate to accompany the person to A&E, or a walk-in service. If at any stage you are unsure what action to take, contact a helpline, where a trained professional can provide guidance.
Find helplines via Hub of Hope
Once you have spoken to an appropriate person, follow the advice given.
Ask whether there is a trusted friend or family member who can be contacted. Where appropriate, hand over responsibility for their immediate safety to a trusted person or professional service and continue to check in with them over the following days and weeks.
Recovery can take time and it can help to know there is someone on your side.
SUPPORT YOURSELF
Supporting someone who shares thoughts of suicide can be tough.
AFTER THE CONVERSATION
Take a moment
Pause and acknowledge how you are feeling.
Stay connected
Check in with a teammate, coach or trusted person, remembering you do not have to carry it alone – but be mindful of confidentiality.
Seek support
It’s okay to need support from a supervisor or counsellor, or to prioritise self-care.
For more information, refer to The Endurance Approach
Most importantly, if at any point during The Conversation you are concerned for someone’s welfare or think they are in immediate danger, do not leave them alone and contact emergency services.
For more information see Suicide Behaviours: How to Respond
Steps for how to respond if someone is showing signs of distress: Suicide Concerns or Crisis: How to Respond
Confidentiality is important, but safety comes first. The duty of care within sports organisations overrides the duty of confidentiality.
If someone shares thoughts of suicide, let them know that if there is a risk to their safety, information may need to be shared to keep them safe. Be honest about this from the start and explain what might happen, who may be told, and why, keeping in line with your organisational policies.
Sports organisations should have clear guidance on who concerns should be reported to.
This may include:
- Organisation Welfare / Safeguarding Officer
- Head Coach or Team Manager
- Senior Organisation Official or Committee Member
- HR or Occupational Health (where applicable)
- External support and statutory services where required (such as in smaller organisations)
Where possible, the person’s agreement and collaboration should be gained before sharing information. However, sports organisations should state clearly that information may be shared without consent if safeguarding policies require it, particularly where there is a risk to life. Informed consent should always be the preferred approach and should align with privacy and data protection policies.
